Elaine

The declaration that summer is here still holds true today, for summer has not yet left, which is more than can be said about that lazy relative who is still on your couch (seriously, check it now). Many people have begun to have some fun this summer, either by vacationing away, vacationing at home, or by watching every television marathon that doesn't actually include people running real marathons (that'd be too ironic). Still, there are likely some who are in need of suggestions. Well, here I am to save the day, with a list of activities sure to stop your summer blues:

- In most areas, the summer implies that there will be some heat. And what better way to use that heat than to have ice races with friends! Simply go outside with a friend and at least two ice cubes of the same size. Then place your ice cubes on the ground or a flat surface and watch whose melts first. Yes, ice is exciting. Who would have thought that "fun" could be spelled with three letters?

- Nothing says summer like a talking Slip 'n' Slide. So why not... Oh never mind, if it talks, then it can tell you the rest...

- It's time to take the cover off of the grill, grab a bag of marshmallows and create your own Peeps. Yours will look nothing like the Easter variety at first, but you have a couple of months to work on it, assuming the fun doesn't overwhelm you...

- You don't need a swimming pool to swim. Simply put on your swimming clothes and wait outside on the street for an open invitation. Wearing scuba gear and goggles will increase the odds of this occurring, or -- at the very least -- will make you a greater target for water balloons, which is pretty much the same as swimming anyway...

- Do birds really need those baths set out for them? If the answer to this question is "no" -- and I am not really sure of this one -- then simply kick them out and take their spots. If anyone questions this activity, tell him/her it's a hockey game and you're playing left wing. If a hockey player asks you, tell him/her your game is for the birds, which is basically accurate, even though you kicked them out earlier...

- Lemonade stands are a hassle to create. So why not take over someone else's stand and negotiate that you will take a certain percentage of the profit, simply because you made the declaration to do so. To make this more fun, put your name on the sign and give all of your friends a free cup. If you are above the age of 30, quit your day job in order to run this business more successfully. Make sure your old high school classmates see your success. Send them e-cards if possible...

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)