Elaine

I was driving along, minding my own business, when the man in the pickup in the next lane started honking, waving his hand and giving me that middle finger salute. He pulled in front of me and continued gesturing for the block before I made my turn. I had absolutely no idea what I had done to send him into such a rage, and I was really grateful that he didnt follow me when I turned.

The next day I was in a department store waiting for my turn with the cashier. All of a sudden the woman in front of me started yelling about the long wait. At the top of her voice she berated the cashier, the store, the merchandise and the other customers. She got in line just before I did and we had waited all of three minutes. Her fuse had become very short and someone unknowingly lit it.

I watched a mother and her small son in the grocery store one day, thinking how cute and well behaved he was. I saw him point at some cereal and ask his mom if he could have it. She reached down, jerked him around, gave him a swat on the arm and yelled at him for asking. Her voice became shrill, her face red and angry, and she looked embarrassed when she saw me watching. She reached down and gave him a loving pat and put the cereal in the cart. Something of an over reaction? Probably.

Each was out of control. Each seemed to have passed the breaking point. Each lashed out at the person closest to them at the moment. These are not uncommon scenes.

So whats going on? Many people are over committed, overwhelmed and overstressed and have few coping skills to help them deal with it. Their self esteem may be at an all time low. They are working harder and longer hours to make ends meet and their spouse is probably doing the same. As money gets tighter and hours get longer, we grow more tired and esteem gets lower, the fuse grows shorter and shorter and an explosion or a series of explosions ensues.

I know this. I used to be there. As I reflect on what changed between then and now I am aware of some things I learned and did that made the change. Ill list them here and well talk about them a bit.

1. I changed from being religious to being spiritual and I learned to manage my own energy. This means that I took responsibility for my own soul and learned what I believe as opposed to what I was told I must believe.

2. I began the practice of meditation. The longer I practice daily meditation the easier it is to cope with the stresses in my life. I wish I could say that Im never angry. Actually, a little anger is healthy. What I can say is that my fuse is much longer and I recover more quickly. I look forward to silencing my mind as I prepare for each new day.

3. Self hypnosis - a sister to meditation. Self-hypnosis helps me stay calm, in control, and more sensitive to the needs of others. I use it as a stress management tool and as a means to enhance creativity.

4. I have begun to think about me and what I need to be healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually. Most of my life has been spent on helping everyone around me to the detriment of my own health and well being. Now I understand that if Im not healthy and balanced I can be of little assistance to others who need help.

5. Improved self esteem. How? This is not a recommendation but a divorce from someone who was the constant critic helped me regain a love of who I am.

6. Work that gives me great joy. I love doing what I do. I help others in hypnotherapy, I help my son with his business and Im developing my own blog.

7. I am learning to play again, motivated by a 3 year old who is in constant and almost always joyful motion.

Do I get angry? Of course. But its no longer a constant state of mind. Try it. You might like it.

Irene Conlan has a masters degree in nursing, a doctoral degree in metaphysics, is a certified hypnotherapist and an ordained minister. she practices holistic hypnotherapy and officiates at weddings in Scottsdale, AZ. Irene can be found at http://www.theselfimprovementblog.com